Ah, yes, the year end blogpost for a blog I rarely post on. I consider this my most personal one, seeing as I literally go through the motions and post them through my words. Originally this was supposed to be the place for that. Now it isn’t.
Today that changes. I can’t promise a slew of emotions but a slew of reality: sure. I always hear the phrase “Whatever’s meant to be is meant to be”. I hate the phrase. I don’t want whatever is meant to be to be, that’s shit. And yet, I kind of go through life as if that’s how I want life to forever be like.
No, I don’t want to be a lazy writer. No, I don’t just want to be her friend. No, I don’t feel like being that broke nigga at the age of 21. Jesus Christ, I don’t even have a car! Well, a lot of 21 year olds don’t, and granted, I don’t even like driving but the point remains.
I guess fear plays a major factor, and maybe restraints, but I suppose the biggest issue is that you take on the concerns of everyone but yourself when you’re someone like me and you mold yourself to those concerns even when you don’t want to.
I’m an old soul. I enjoy the Ink Spots and a good game of golf more than any 21 year old probably should. I only get excited over liquor when I’m drinking something with aged value or something of a special mix. My greatest joy comes from sitting down and writing or reading a decent book. I have a passion for movies and I plan on getting into that business for a living. I drift so drastically from the pack that I really do look like the outcast of virtually all my friends.
But I always play a special role in this: I’m the sage. I’m the guy that offers guidance at the expense of my own well being. I honestly look at the people I’ve helped and say, “They’re two steps forward and I’m three back.”
Well fuck that! That’s to an end. I’m about tired of being the guiding light that goes nowhere. I blame myself and no one else too. But worst of all, I’m an old soul trying to adapt into a young one.
Yeah, things don’t work out like that. Time to throw a big middle finger at that. I’m an old soul amongst a sea of younger ones. My ambitions are the same but I’m already at a stage where I essentially skipped over a few full years of mental life. I’m only 21 in body, hence my constant disappearances in life. I can’t be just me anymore, not for real.
So here’s my big “fuck you!” to everybody, whether I love you or not! Here’s my big “fuck you!” to my friends, my family, my life, YOUR life, everything! It’s truly the dawn of a new day, and I’m done trying to conform into something that fits the wave of society’s expectations of me.
In other words, if I start a revolution in the next few years, you were warned. I love you, and I hate to turn my back to you, but I have to get mine too. See you New Year’s Eve 2011.
Peace.
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