Toilet Talk: Valentine's Day Can Fuck Itself!

First off, no tagging because I want EVERYONE to read this. Second, I'm not writing this because I don't have a Valentine. On the contrary, this should make you wonder why the hell you're with someone right now at all. I'm not knocking any relationships but hell, here's my beef.

Every February the 14th couples, married folk, fuck buddies, etc., they decide to spend a little time, money or strength on something for their opposite, usually considered their better half. This time, money or strength is often manifested as candy (chocolate for the most part), flowers (another big seller), a cheesy Hallmark card, a sappy poem, false (but not always) assurances of love, services done for each other (take that however you want, loyal reader), and, my personal favorite, the occasional wedding ring.

Every February the 15th, however, all that shit is tossed out the window. On February the 13th the people prepare to spend a little time, money or strength on their opposite for candy, flowers, Hallmark, stupid poetry, what have you. On February the 12th there's a panic in the giver because he or she (usually he I'm sorry to say)is absent minded and did something last minute. On February the 11th it's just another day. Fast forward to February the 16th and, unless something breathtaking (do NOT take that however you want) happened on the 14th then you can compare it all to Lupe Fiasco's opening lines in the Superstar (remix):

You on your fifteenth minute of fame.
And on the sixteenth, beginning the lame.
And on seventeen, you lose everything.
The twenty-first is the worst.
Wishing you was eleven popping like you was seven.
With the feeling when you were seconds

Translation:

You on your fifteenth minute of fame. (Valentine's Day)
And on the sixteenth, beginning the lame. (The day after)
And on seventeen, you lose everything. (Two days after Valentine's Day)
The twenty-first is the worst. (Now Valentine's Day is a distant memory)
Wishing you was eleven popping like you was seven. (Back to when the love was declared)
With the feeling when you were seconds (When it all actually began)

I know what some of you are saying. "DiZ, you poetic mastodon, why so vulgar with your rant this time?" Easy, my friend! Me personally, love is a beautiful thing. If love truly DOES exist between two folk, then why is there a necessary day out of more than 360 of them to express it? Think about it.

A man will bring his wife flowers and chocolate on Valentine's Day, half because he loves her, half for the sex that would come later that night. He'll do it on her birthday. He might do it on Christmas. If they have kids, he'll do it on Mother's Day. Whatever happened to, "I did it because it was Wednesday"? What the hell happened to, "Just a random reminder of my love"? Am I the only one who sees shit this way?

NO, STOP! Don't get pissed at me if you don't agree. First off all, I see oppositions to what I'm saying all the time. I see some people genuinely in love, and they use Valentine's Day as a Regular Day x 1.5 and I applaud that. They still show each other love on a daily basis! Always calling with those little notes of love.

See, that's what I want to see on Valentine's Day. I want to see shit that is an advanced version of what is normally done, not a one shot deal. I've seen it all over the place and not enough, and sadly most of it has been on TV. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Apu Nahasapeemapetilon gave his wife, Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, a weeks worth of Valentine's Day things? That was out of the ordinary. Every other day he was usually showing the woman some love.

Again, I'm not trying to knock anybody, or rather I may just be, but the way I see it, Valentine's Day, in its present capacity, is hardly anything more than a useless holiday specifically for the fine companies of Hallmark, Hershey, and Trojan, in that chronological order. My point in one sentence: if you celebrate Valentine's Day then make sure that you're doing it as an extension of regular days, not a special stand alone day.